To tell the story of this fucked up game that I invented and its origins... I have to go back to my bachelor party.
Back in 2013 I married the love of my life, Natalie. My brother, Doug, was my best man and was throwing my bachelor party (check out his blog here). He had a few events planned - golf (a round) and drinks afterward at a pub and the strippers. He called it Links, Drinks & Hijinks. With him being a graphic designer, he even made a few t-shirts for all of us. They were pretty awesome actually:
A day of debauchery set for July 6th, 2013. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it didn't turn out quite as planned.
We got up bright and early and Doug, my father - Mark, and myself stopped for an early breakfast at some breakfast joint on Edmonton trail called OEB Breakfast Co. It was good, but it's your typically trendy and ridiculously overpriced breakfast spot; so many of those places nowadays. After that, we headed down to my brothers then neighbourhood barber shop in Coventry Hills for a hot shave and haircut.
As we were leaving the barber shop, it was looking pretty muggy and dark outside - it was going to rain. So Doug called an audible and we decided to skip the golf and move the party over to the gun range.
We headed to The Shooting Centre. Doug booked us the Cinema Range. It's a German designed virtual range that involves firing live ammunition at a paper screen while they project video of animals, cars, cans, etc. You shoot at the screen and each bullet is individually tracked and checked against a projected image to determine a hit or a miss. Check out a video of the cinema range here, it was pretty killer! We shot a few guns... Beretta Storm Cx4 9mm, Glock 21 .45ACP, Norinco 1911A1 .45, .357 Magnum, AK-47, AR-15, and a lever action 1894 Winchester 30-30 (my fav).
After the gun range, I had an idea to head to my father's house and have a sausage BBQ. "Pick up your sausage, wiener, bratwurst, whatever it is, and make it long and hot and your able to eat it between two buns." - direct quote from my brother's email/text invite.
But I had an alternative idea... I decided to play a game....a game that I came up with. I told Doug my plans, but no one else. He thought no one would partake, but said give it a go. After the BBQ I told everyone to come into my father's giant garage where I had a table and chairs set up.
So the idea I had was this...
I was on a kick of eating challenge videos. There were a few that I really liked:
I came across this video clip on the web one day of a game of chance from the Japanese TV show called Downtown no Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!! (ダウンタウンのガキの使いやあらへんで!!) - which translates to Downtown's This Is No Task for Kids! The game I saw has since became Americanized and turned into a US TV show on MTV in June of 2009 called Silent Library. It had a slew of famous (and no-so-famous) guest celebrities such as Justin Bieber, Jimmy Fallon and the Roots, Jersey Shore, WWE Superstars, and much more.
This clip is from Downtown's This Is No Task for Kids! from 2004. This was a major inspiration for the entire idea of SchneL's Game:
Another show that piqued my interest was an old television show from 1950 called Beat The Clock. It was a game show hosted by Bud Collyer that involved contestants performing tasks called "problems" by Collyer, within a certain time limit which was counted down on a large 60-second clock. If they succeeded, they were said to have "beaten the clock" — otherwise, "the clock beat them". The show had several sponsors for its prizes which ranged from kids toys to appliances, with the most of the appliances coming from the electronics company Sylvania.
Most stunts in some way involved physical speed or dexterity. Events would often required them balancing something with some part of their body while racing back and forth on the stage, or some kind of target practice like throwing, rolling, bowling, etc.
The setup for the stunt often looked easy but then it'd have a complication or gimmick. For example, Collyer would say "All you have to do is stack four plates," they'd check the clock to see how much time they had to do it, and then he'd add, "Oh, and one more thing... you can't use your hands." Common twists included blindfolding one or both contestants, or telling them they could not use their hands, feet, or any body part that would be obvious to use for whatever the task was. Then Collyer would would add whipped cream, water, or pancake batter to some events to mess it up.
It was a damn cool show for its time. I LOVE IT! I watched it religiously on the Game Show network when I had satellite back in the day. This was another huge inspiration.
Fun fact: I've seen all 36 seasons of Survivor. EVERY. SINGLE. EPISODE. I credit my win in the CJAY92 Live In It to Win It challenge when I won the Mustang to the skills I've pulled from that TV show. Read more about me winning a car in my blog: I Win Contests.
Back in the day, both shows had an eating challenge. This always intrigued me and I knew I'd love doing it. So I marinated on it for a few years, and I made my perception a reality.
SCHNEL'S GAME SEASON I - LEE'S BACHELOR PARTY
SATURDAY JULY 6TH, 2013 — 2:30pm
So back to the bachelor party. I had all the guys sit around a poker table (I had a pretty decent one donated to me by my brother), and we'd all play a little game of chance that I invented. The idea and method of the SchneL's Game initially started like this:
- Everyone that wants to play the hand places a red poker chip in the bag.
- Lee replaces a certain number (depending on the event) of red poker chips with blue, green, and black poker chips.
- Red poker chip - Lucky (pass)
- Green poker chip - Designated GoPro video recorder of the event
- Blue poker chip - Judge
- Black poker chip - Unlucky
- Everyone then draws a poker chip from the bag WITHOUT looking at it.
- Everyone places their covered chip in the middle of the table, then a countdown is initiated to reveal their chips.
- The person that chose the black chip must do the event or at least 50% of the challenge verified by the judges.
- If they do not complete, or do less than 50% of the event, they then face the judge(s) and receive a slap(s) with the SchneL/FAH-Q oak hazing paddle.
And that's it. It basically took the pick method of Silent Library, the luck of the draw of poker, the eating challenges from numerous YouTubes, the risk-taking of Russian Roulette, the physical speed and dexterity of Beat The Clock, a lot of mind over matter by pushing your limits from both Survivor and Fear Factor, and a teensy bit of O'Bannion humiliation from the movie Dazed and Confused. Nothing but free will and consequence.
Don't ask how (or why) I fit this all together, I just did... and it worked!
I started off explaining the rules and everyone was VERY hesitant. They were all sitting around a table with me giving them the low-down on that some crazy shit was about to happen and they had no choice but to participate or we spank you. But really, I was just trying to freak them out... ok... some crazy shit WAS about to happen! They all knew me quite well and they all knew I was already a bit off, so this was going great!
I said, "first off, there's nothing homosexual about what we want you to do. I mean, I was thinking you might be thinking we want you guys to do some like, weird sex thing, like suck us off, pee on us, shit like that, you know. Nothing! Nothing could be further from the truth!" This was a direct quote from one of my favourite directors, Quentin Tarantino from the awesome movie from 1995, Four Rooms. I then proceeded to the very first event of SchneL's Game... The Man From Rio.
The Man From Rio was based on an old Alfred Hitchcock short (another one of my favourite directors), called Man From The South, from the TV show Alfred Hitchcock Presents, that aired January 3rd, 1960. You might recognize the story... In a Las Vegas casino, an unpleasant little man, Carlos (Peter Lorre), makes a bet with a gambler (Steve McQueen), that the gambler can't light his cigarette lighter ten times; ten times in succession mind you. If he does, he wins Carlos' new car, "a convertible. This year's model," Carlos states. If he doesn't, Carlos gets to chop off the gambler's little pinky.
You might recognize the plot. It was redone in the aforementioned flick, Four Rooms. It was the last of four short films that make up the movie, it was directed by Quentin Tarantino, and it was called The Man From Hollywood. In the short, Quentin Tarantino is a character in it and he says, "we now return you to The Man From Rio." It was based off of the Hitchcock short film, but there were changes. It was a bunch of dudes (Paul Calderon, Quentin Tarantino, and Bruce Willis) and a woman, Jennifer Beals, that were making the bet, and the bellhop, Tim Roth, that does the digit chopping.
It's an epic scene. One of my all time favorites in movie history for three reasons...
- It's an awesome writer/director paying an homage to an amazing writer/director.
- It's such an interesting series of events.
- The opening of this scene is one entire shot! I've added the entire clip below. From the 1:00 mark until 7:38 it is one entire shot. No cuts, no edits. One take. Unreal! Check it:
I had all the boys draw their poker chip from a Corona metal bucket (I now use a purple Crown Royal whisky bag), and not look at it. I then went behind an area in the garage I cordoned off and prepped the event. I had a green circular cutting board and a big silver dome I placed the items used for the event in. The SchneL/fah-q hazing paddle waited patiently on the table. Right then, Natalie's brother Nick, took off. He said he had something to do, but it was pretty funny and we all had a good laugh.
For The Man From Rio event I placed a giant cleaver and my lucky zippo under the dome. I brought the dome to the table, had all the guys place their hands in the middle of the table, then counted down 3... 2... 1... reveal! Whoever had the black chip had to do the event. It was my father.
I proceeded to tell the guys the story of the Hitchcock film and the Four Rooms relation (in a little less detail). I then removed the dome revealing the lighter and cleaver. They were a bit stunned.
I then mentioned we won't be using the cleaver, but instead, if my lucky zippo doesn't light 10 times, a spank is delivered directly to my father's ass. Neill drew the blue poker chip so he was the judge. There's usually three judges but for this instance, I just needed one. To spank.
My father bent over, Neill cocked the paddle, and I started to light the zippo.
It lit the first strike... lit the second strike... lit the third strike... misfire.
Neill felt bad and wouldn't spank him. I went over, took the paddle, and laid some heat. WHAM!
This was the start of the SchneL's Game.
The game went on and got progressively weirder... and grosser. There were 15 events and 13 people attended including me (my favorite number). I will not go into the details, but the following list of events and photos is provided below, in order of execution. The link is in the header of this season above, but it requires a password. If you'd like to watch, shoot me a message here and maybe... just maybe, I'll shoot it to you... or maybe not.
- The Man From Rio (Hitchcock/Four Rooms light the lighter 10x) - Mark; SPANKED x1
- Tough Guy Shot (snort the salt, shoot the tequila, squeeze the lime in your eye) - Darcy; COMPLETED
- Thai Chili Pepper - Doug; COMPLETED
- Century Egg - Marc; SPANKED x3
- Spoon of Cayenne - Gavin; COMPLETED
- Umeboshi - Marc; SPANKED x3
- Dollop of Wasabi - Gavin; COMPLETED
- Beef Tongue Body Lick - Doug (Gerry walked in to the game, Doug asked if Gerry wanted to do it, and Gerry volunteered); COMPLETED
- Three Raw Egg Triple Jaegermeister Shot - Marc; COMPLETED
- Tripe Sandwich - Darcy; COMPLETED
- Durian - Jim; COMPLETED
- Sardine and Anchovy Shot - Me; COMPLETED
- Live Mealworm - Jim; COMPLETED
- Surströmming - Mark; COMPLETED
- Balut - Gavin (I volunteered and did it); COMPLETED
There were only seven spanks the whole game for two people — My father and Marc (Marc got six of those), although it felt like way more. I've been told the mental trauma runs deep with all the people who attended. The Surströmming is still the worst smell I have ever smelled in my entire life! My dad was gagging and puked it out. First puker!
I did mention to everyone attending, as awesome as the events that happened were, I didn't want to see ANY photos or videos of SchneL's Game on social media. It was a bachelor party after all and it's faux pas to show photos and videos of the sacred night.
SCHNEL'S GAME SEASON II
SATURDAY JULY 5TH, 2014 — 2:30pm
After the wedding was over, guys would ask me about the bachelor party. I'd tell them about it and they thought we were crazy. People would say, "why would anybody go to that?!" To be honest, I thought the same thing, but decided the very next year, I'd do it again. I had a blast both hosting and playing, and I had so many more messed up ideas I could implement.
I sent out an email to everyone that attended to the first season and then a few more of my closest friends. In fact this became a tradition going forward for every season. If you attended one season, I will always personally invite you every season going forward. This time, because it wasn't a stag party, women were invited. I also allowed people to invite friends, and people could come and didn't have to play, they could just watch.
The method was the same: red chips in, green poker chip being the designated GoPro video recorder of the event, blue poker chip is a judge, and the infamous black poker chip was unlucky. One twist... in season I, If they didn't complete, or did less than 50%, they faced the judge(s) and received a slap(s) with the SchneL/FAH-Q oak hazing paddle. I found there weren't enough spanks in season I, so I upped the ante... now people had to complete at least 80% of the event rather than 50%.
I decided I hold it at the same place as last season; my father's garage. I was getting worried come game time. A few people didn't RSVP (which really pisses me off), and I didn't think it'd be as good as last season. Come game day... people came. A lot of people came. 26 people including me! My dad's garage is damn huge but we packed that garage and got rowdy. Standing room only.
I must admit, this was one topped the last season. The events were epic! I did my research and pushed the envelope. I spent a decent amount of cash sourcing rare, hard-to-get items from all over the world like Cooked Chicken in a Can, Miracle Berries, and even a $50 unopened bottle of Orbitz soda from eBay (it was 20 years old and my poor cousin Robbie had to drink it). I added an event that I termed All-Play where I replaced ALL the poker chips in the bag with black chips and everyone had to partake. Surprise! I even gave away a few prizes that I won from my serial winning steak like tickets to The Arkells, tickets to Blue Rodeo, and tickets to 50 Cent. It added a nice element and enticed people to play. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but damn it was good.
Because the very first SchneL's Game was held on my bachelor party, and it's forbidden to take photos or videos of that night, I decided this would become the standard for every game going forward. No pictures or videos are to be shared afterwards. I kind of liked this idea because it keeps it word-of-mouth only and hypes it up a bit. Plus, I made a video of the last season and shared it with everyone that attended anyways. Another good reason not to share it is because some people are doing embarrassing events, getting spanked, or just having a great time and don't need everyone else in the world to view them.
I started SchneL's Game with The Man From Rio again. It was a nice event to shock people off the bat and I really wanted someone to beat it; it didn't happen. Although I changed it to The Man From the South to honour Alfred Hitchcock rather than The Man From Rio. I also kept a few of the same events from last season like the Tough Guy Shot, the Sardine and Anchovy Shot I had to do last season, and the Dollop of Wasabi. I even threw in some pop-culture referenced events like the Twinkie Wiener Sandwich from UHF and the Al Bundy toothpaste sandwich from Married With Children. They did 'em all too! This season, we had a pregnant lady there too, Miranda.
27 people attended including me and there were 21 events. It was a full house and it went on a bit too long. People were getting hammered. It was one for the books for sure.
Again, I will not go into the details to protect the innocent, but the following list of events and photos is provided below. The link to the full video is in the header of this season, but it also requires a password. Good luck with that. There are also two password-free videos below (The Not-So-Happy-Meal and Duel):
- The Man From the South (Hitchcock/Four Rooms light the lighter 10x) - Carolyn; SPANKED x1
- Twinkie Wiener Sandwich - Doug; COMPLETED
UHF clip: youtu.be/Z-_FO9p8Xdg
- Tough Guy Shot (snort the salt, shoot the tequila, squeeze the lime in your eye) - Dave; COMPLETED
- Freebie - Wildhorse tickets to the Arkells - Doug
- Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner (cooked whole chicken in a can) - Sean; COMPLETED
- All Play - Black Chia Kombucha
- Century Egg - Erin; SPANKED x3
- Dried Salted Edible Bugs (grasshoppers, mole crickets, silk worms, crickets, bamboo worms) - Midge; COMPLETED
Edible Bugs: thailandunique.com/edible-insects-bugs
- Sardine and Anchovy Shot - Sabrina (Robbie took the shot); SPANKED x1
- The Al Bundy Toothpaste Sandwich - Sean and Sabrina; SPANKED x3 EACH (Lee and Robbie tried it)
Married with Children clip: youtu.be/tYifMohjv54
- Cooked Jellyfish Shortcake - Mark; COMPLETED
- All Play - Miracle Berries (Guinness, lemons, peppers, strawberries)
- Freebie - Blue Rodeo Tickets - I won so I gave them to Kristel
- Banana with Peel - Colin; COMPLETED
- Cooked Pork Blood - Robbie; COMPLETED
- The Not-So-Happy-Meal (blended McDonalds happy meal with Coca Cola and yogurt) - Katie; COMPLETED
- Freebie - 50 Cent Tickets - Gerry
- Live Hornworm - Mike; COMPLETED
- Duel - (Beer, lemon with rind, and wasabi) - Matt and James; Matt won, James SPANKED x3
- Orbitz - Robbie; COMPLETED
- Three Big Dried Salted Edible Bugs (Jungle Trail Mix - forest scorpion, water-bug, rhino beetle) - Dustin; COMPLETED
Edible Bugs: thailandunique.com/edible-insects-bugs
This crowd was great! Good times. There were a total of 14 spanks given out this season. Exactly double last season. The paddle was getting some use now.
SCHNEL'S GAME SEASON III
SATURDAY MAY 30TH, 2015 — 3:00pm
This season, as usual, I sent out invites to everyone who attended all previous seasons, and a few more of my friends. But I knew I had to out-do the last two seasons... so I decided to switch it up a bit.
First, I changed the chip color scheme. This season, the green poker chip was lucky (pass), this just made more sense as green meant go. The red poker chip now was the designated GoPro video recorder of the event, the blue poker chip would determine the judges, and the black poker chip was still unlucky.
Second, I decided to name all the events. For each event, I designed a print-out that showed the unlucky black poker chip with the name of the event. The name would be something puny or tongue-in-cheek that kind of revealed what the event was without revealing too much and still keeping them guessing. I then used double-sided tape and attached it to the top of the dome when I brought out each event. That way it gave kind of a hint as to what to expect.
Third, I created Battles. These required two or more people duking it out and the loser getting spanked. These turned out great and added a whole new level of competition.
And Four, for the final event, I created the Gladiator Duel. This consisted of two people going head-to-head with multiple items to complete before the other person. The loser was spanked by the winner, and the winner was declared the Gladiator. It was great because my father got one of the black chips in the first ever Gladiator Duel. Perfect!
Ironically, we had two pregnant ladies again. This time, Marketa was pregnant with her and Frazer's daughter Božena, and my wife Natalie with our son Charlie. I don't know what it is, but this seemed to be a new trend.
One of my friends that I've known since I was in grade two, Dustin, brought his smoker and a giant ham. We smoked it for a few hours and chowed down. It was gawd-damn-delicious! Natalie cut up some fruits and brought a bunch of chips, and my friend Erin brought snacks and dessert. It was quite a feast! I thought that was a nice touch as they offered to help me organize this event as I usually do it all by myself.
Another kind outside contribution was from my bro, Doug. Being super-creative like he is, he whipped up six teaser posters for this season. They were really well done and illustrated items from the previous season. I used these on social media to hype it up. Doug also came up with the slogan, See the show. Be the show. To be honest, after that it just kinda stuck. I use that every season now when hyping on social media. One talented dude my bro.
Click the image below to transition between all six posters he created, check them out:
I changed completion for the judges back to 50% as I knew a few events I got for this season were pretty harsh. Although it didn't really matter... people took a paddlin' pretty bad this season.
I always try out-do each previous season and this crowd made it happen. It got a little fishy, Brad and I ate raw testicles, Sean puked from the Hákarl (and he volunteered after Frazer did it to try it - see the blooper reel below - second person to puke at SchneL's Game), my father had to down a live goldfish (so did Colin), Miranda literally ate brains Silence of the Lambs style, and I even surprised my sister Kristel with a cupcake and gifts from myself, Natalie, Doug, and my dad. It just keeps getting better. Good friends, and a good time.
This season, 20 people attended including me and there were 21 events just like last season. For some reason this season went fast. Almost too fast. We finished and it was early evening. No one was really hammered and we ended it around 9pm. Weird.
The following list of events and photos is provided below. The link to the full video is in the header of this season, but as usual in this post, it requires a password. Gotta keep all this video gold under lock and key yo!
- The Man From the South (lucky zippo challenge) - Benji; COMPLETED
- Team Edward (pork blood shots) - Lee and Brad; Lee COMPLETED, Brad SPANKED x3
- Chew on This (tin foil and 'spiced gum') - Tony (hot gum) and Colin (tin foil); COMPLETED
- Battle: Tough Break (tough guy shots) - Colin and Erin; Erin won, Colin SPANKED x3
- Freebie - Four to the Horror Show (Insidious Chapter 3 tickets x4) - Carolyn
- Sober as a Priest on Sunday (wake up juice from Back to the Future III; green olive juice, tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, chili peppers, onion, and mustard seed) - Lori; COMPLETED
Back to the Future III clip: youtu.be/lcgIItG_cqA
- Be the Mongoose (canned smoked rattlesnake) - Sean; SPANKED x3
Canned smoked rattlesnake: meatmaniac.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=Can-Smoked-Rattlesnake
- Battle: The Bitter Taste of Defeat (blow dried bug in tube) - Doug and Tony; Doug won, Tony ate the rhino beetle
Asian gameshow: imgur.com/gallery/jdoiYSJ
Edible bugs: thailandunique.com/edible-insects-bugs
- Freebie - Have a Drink on Me ($25 Tim Hortons gift card) - Dustin (didn't record event)
- La Comida Infeliz (blended Taco Bell unhappy meal) - Greg; COMPLETED
- Brad Caught Cheating by Me; SPANKED x1
- Drink Like a Fish (fish head beer bong) - Tony; COMPLETED (Tony doesn't drink so we used Red Bull)
- Mark Caught Cheating by Kristel; SPANKED x1
- Freebie - Catch a Flick (Entourage movie tickets x2, Love and Mercy movie tickets x4, and complimentary movie tickets x2) - Sean, Dustin, and Lori (didn't record event)
- Do You Still Dream of the Lambs (cow brain, chianti, and fava beans) - Miranda; COMPLETED
Canned pork brains: amazon.com/Rose-Pork-Brains-Gravy-Ounce/dp/B00FHIAIIE
- All Play - Chilli Willies (chocolate penis peppers) - Tony, Benji, and Lori got the hot peppers
Chilli Willies: amazon.com/Chilli-Willy-Roulette-N8203/dp/B006MWEQFK
- Just For You (Kristel's birthday gift and cupcake) - Kristel (I planted the black chip on her)
- Freebie - That's a Paddlin' ($100 white water rafting gift certificate) - Dustin
- Lick it Clean (five Twinkies are put on Brad's fingers and greg eats/sucks them off ) - Greg and Brad; Greg forfeited SPANKED x3
- Battle: Two go in One Comes Out (egg Russian roulette) - Kristel and Carolyn; Kristel lost
Egg roulette with Tom Cruise (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon): youtu.be/y6jb0cOYqAI
- Do You Have the Balls (raw calf testicles x2) - Greg, Carolyn, and Brad; Greg and Carolyn refused SPANKED x3 EACH (I ate one ball and brad ate the other)
- Summon Viking Strength (Hákarl) - Frazer; COMPLETED
Hákarl imported from Iceland: nammi.is/putrified-shark-meat-hakarl-100-gr.html
- Gladiator Duel (Rose, egg beaters, mousetrap,swallow live goldfish) - Colin and Mark; Colin forfeited, Mark won.
If you want to watch a few snippets from this season, I put together a little gag reel. No password required, check it:
I always make a video afterwards of the entire SchneL's Game season and share it with everyone that attended. Although I found out that people decided not to come and said that they just want to watch the video once I complete it. Nope! That's not how it works. I keep these vids under wraps for that exact reason. Play and you watch. Don't attend... too bad.
Dustin won three out of four of the freebies, and Tony got the most black chips with four. This was Tony's first time attending too - beginner's luck. There were a total of 20 spanks. Six more than last season. New record! Technically there should've been 21 spanks, but we clear that up in the first event next season.
SCHNEL'S GAME SEASON IV
SATURDAY JULY 30TH, 2016 — 4:20pm
At the time of this SchneL's Game, I was in a stretch of peak-winning. I was entering contests like mad, and slaying! See my 2016 wins here. I entered a contest from a local company called Goat Locker Brewing Company. They had a contest where they would come to your party, supply beer and snacks, and bring a goat. I thought this would be perfect. I entered and unfortunately came in second so we didn't get the beers, food, and goat (which would've been epic). They did however, provide some swag that I gave away as prizes during the game.
As usual I added a few different components to SchneL's Game just to switch it up a bit.
First, I upped the ante for completion of events. I found that people weren't pushing the envelope and only doing 50% of the challenge as required by the judges. So I changed completion for judges back to at least 80% of the event rather than 50%.
Second, I always loved the tough guy shot. It was from when my bro and I entered the 2006 Big Rock Eddies and Doug did it in our video submission. Check it here. It consists of drinking a shot of tequila, snorting a line of salt, and squeezing the lemon in your eye. It's been in every SchneL's Game. So this time, I did it for the very first event and called it Welcome Initiation. We had a bunch of newbies this season and I had only the new people draw.
Third, I had the next two events divided by guys and gals. The second event was called Ladies First. I had only women draw and I had the person who got the black chip wear a fake moustache the whole game. My sister drew, it was perfect! Unfortunately the moustache didn't stay to well and lasted like 1/2 hour. The guys draw was called Gentlemen's Draw. Only I had a clip-on man bun for whichever dude got the black chip. Tony got it. He looked like E. Honda! Hilarious!
Fourth, because the social media restriction for SchneL's Game, I thought it'd be cool to stream an event live. Facebook just came out with Live Stream so I used that and streamed Eat Fresh. This event was used before in the last two seasons and required some sort of meal blended up in a food processor into a smoothie-style consistency and drank. This season I used a six-inch tuna sub, garden salsa, sun chips, and Crystal Pepsi. Worked well. I couldn't play the music during the event because I use my phone for music, and I used my phone to stream, so it was eerily quiet during this event. Vince had to chug it but he just couldn't do it. However he did go shirtless. Kudos for the added effort. See the pic below in the list of events. So good!
Fifth, I added an event of ten questions that I asked a person about myself. I called it Get It Right. It was based on Billy Eichner's TV gameshow called Billy On The Street. He asks questions to random people in New York and gives away money. The event I planned was much like his Quizzed In The Face game. Check it:
The first six were actual questions about me, and the last four were subjective, so they had to answer how I'd answer them. See the list of questions and lifelines here. For all ten questions, if they got the answer right, they had to take a drink of a Japanese Pepsi called Pepsi Strong (with a higher than normal carbonation and caffeine content). If they got the answer wrong, they had to take a shot of anchovy paste. And let me tell you... that stuff was nasty! Erin got the black chip. She did well, answering six out of ten correctly. That means she got four wrong which equated to four shots of anchovy paste. And on the fourth shot, she puked. Officially the third person to puke at SchneL's Game. During this event I realized that ten was waaay too many questions to ask. It went on too long and Erin got the brunt of it. Poor Erin.
And finally, sixth, I gave away prizes to whoever won the battles. With there being a bunch of battles this season, I went to the ol' Salvation Army and grabbed a bunch of stuff to give away. The Fifty Shades of Grey novel, Space Jam VHS, a James Bond compilation record, and a hilarious Rappin' for Jesus cassette tape. I gave away the Goat Locker Brewing Company pint glass, and threw in some Japanese items I ordered in direct from the far east: gummy hamburger candy, spicy curry Doritos, Pringles mushroom flavoured chips, and gummy sushi candy.
I once again saved the Gladiator Duel for last. This seasons' duel was pretty brutal too. One Thai pepper, one milkbone, then another Thai pepper, a spoon of Marmite, then another Thai pepper, and half of a century egg salad sandwich. In the three times I've tried someone to get at least one person to eat the century egg, it has yet to be completed. While making these sandwiches, Natty and I almost puked. They were nasty! This season I decided to make a trophy to hand out to the champion. It turned out pretty nice!
This season we had 23 people (including me), and 22 events, the most events yet! Because there were so many events, and I had to keep track of the order of events, battles, all plays, prizes, and components of each event all by myself, I created a Ref List. It was a list of everything for me to keep the game on track, all the while hosting. It helped immensely. And as usual, we had a pregnant lady, Kristy. She was pregnant with her and Dustin's daughter, Alice. And even though I forbid anyone under the age 18 to attend, Charlie stopped by before we started to say hi.
As I was making the video from last season, I realized after the Gladiator Duel we didn't spank Colin for giving up. So right off the bat, we had a spank to deliver. Off to a good start.
The events and photos are as follows. The link to the full video is in the header of this season, but as you know, needs a password. Ask me what it is, or just throw out random guesses... maybe you'll get lucky.
- Revenge (Mark spanked Colin) - Unresolved from Season III (not filmed); SPANKED x1
- Welcome Initiation (tough guy shots) - James and Vince; COMPLETED
- Ladies First (moustache) - Kristel; COMPLETED
- Gentlemen's Draw (man bun) - Tony; COMPLETED
- Blonde Whip (mayonnaise Barbie) - John; COMPLETED
- Get It Right (ten questions about Lee, Anchovy paste, Japanese Pepsi Strong) - Erin; COMPLETED (six out of ten right)
- Battle: A Tight Blow (pantyhose on head and blow out a candle) - Dave and Vince; Vince won, Dave lost SPANKED x3
- They're Gr-r-reat! (Cheetos and milk) - Brenda; COMPLETED
- Battle: Lettuce Eat in Piece (eat a full head of lettuce in three minutes) - John and Tony; Tony won, John lost SPANKED x3
- Battle: Electric Bugaloo (finger shocker with the Pie Face game using whip cream and dried bug mixture) - Dave, Dustin, John, and Kathryn; Dustin lost
Thailand bugs: thailandunique.com/edible-insects-bugs
- Battle: Flight 666 (race involving downing shots of Frank's hot sauce, condensed milk, fish sauce, apple cider vinegar, and coconut oil) - Doug and Kathryn; Doug won, Kathryn lost SPANKED x3
- Just the Two of Us (happy anniversary to Colin and Erin) - Gave a bottle of champagne and picture in frame to Colin and Erin as it was their anniversary (not filmed)
- 1SE - Meant to take a video for my 1 Second Everyday app but forgot and took a break instead (not filmed)
- Battle: Fruit Ninja (throw two cards into a watermelon) - Doug and Natalie; Natalie won, Doug lost SPANKED x3
- Live Stream: Eat Fresh (blended 6" tuna sub, garden salsa, sun chips, and Crystal Pepsi) - Vince; SPANKED x3
- Smack My Bitch Up (flyswatter on fan - then on drill) - Lee; COMPLETED
- Doug Caught Cheating by Mark; SPANKED x1
- Chug Life (chug a can of beer through a cooked pig ear) - Mark; COMPLETED
- Battle: The Bitter Taste of Defeat (blow dried bug in tube) - Erin and John; John won, Erin lost SPANKED x3
Thailand bugs: thailandunique.com/edible-insects-bugs
- Catch the Freshmaker (drop Mentos in Diet Coke and drink) - Tony; COMPLETED
- Battle: Two Go in One Comes Out (egg Russian roulette) - Erin and John; Erin won, John lost
Egg roulette with Ryan Reynolds (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon): youtu.be/cqDG7q508iM
- What Charlie Left Behind (take a bite and eat a piece of cooked liver that people think is placenta) - Kathryn (Vince did it for her); COMPLETED
- What Am I Smeeling?
1. Chad feels/Shane smells - tube sock, blue cheese, Alpha Getti
2. Shane feels/Chad smells - croutons, Irish Spring liquid soap, flip phone
3. Chad feels/Shane smells - cat food, tampon, stuffed teddy bear
- Chad and Shane (they volunteered); COMPLETED
- Song of my People (play a harmonica for one minute that is in a fish mouth) - John; COMPLETED
- Battle: Gladiator Duel (Thai pepper, Milk-bone dog biscuit, then another Thai pepper, spoon of Marmite, then another Thai pepper, half of a century egg salad sandwich) - Colin and Doug; Colin forfeited and Mark volunteered to take on Doug, Mark won by popular vote as both didn't finish, Colin SPANKED x3 and Doug SPANKED x1
Poor John got five events. This was the most events by a single person in one season. A close second is Tony with four last season. It's ironic because when I won the Ford Mustang convertible, John was one of the people in the competition with me and it came down to him and I, with me winning. Read more about the Ford Mustang convertible contest here.
In total, there were 25 spanks dolled out, one was even voluntary! Five more that last season, and the highest spank of all previous seasons! Vince had the BEST SPANK EVER! One of the attendees was feeling the spirits at the end of the game and asked to be spanked. I told Vince not to hold back. Vince laid the heat. EPIC!
Erin puked during Get It Right, but also my father. He puked during the Gladiator Duel eating the century egg salad sandwich. He wanted to complete the challenge, so he kept trying and taking bites in between gags. In the end, the sandwich won. This officially made my dad the fourth puker at SchneL's Game (he also puked in the first season too), but he did win his second Gladiator Duel. My father is the man!
With so many events, this one went well into the night. People were even dropping off near the end because it was so long. The hardcores stayed, and we tied one on. A bottle of tequila, a 60oz of vodka, and a 60oz of whiskey appeared on the table after the Gladiator Duel and we went until 5:30am. Lets just say the next day was rough.
SCHNEL'S GAME SEASON V
SATURDAY JUNE 17TH, 2017 — 2:00pm
This season, I thought it'd be cool to create a short teaser video (1:18), to send out to peeps to get them to come. I included past events, a bunch of spanks, the date it was being held, and a wee bit o' Jimi Hendrix. Check it here:
I changed up a few things again... I changed the required completion of each event back to 50%. I thought 80% was a bit much. After this season though, 80% is where I'll keep it from now on. 50% seems to easy and people give up the moment they complete half. No fun.
I charged everyone a $10 cover charge. I told them this was to cover the cost of food, supplies, and to but the events, when actually it was for a surprise event that was a 50/50 draw. I gathered $10 from everyone that attended (except people like my father who hosted the event, Erin who brought dessert, and a few more who contributed to SchneL's Game this season). I ended up with $170 in total. So I split it and gave away $85. The funny thing was, my father wasn't playing all game and I said you're playing this round and put a chip in. He got it!
Usually I give away prizes. This season, every time there was a prize, I colored the label on the event title card. No other events had color. It was like The Sixth Sense where color plays an important role. No one caught on though.
One of the best events in any season was donated from Malissa. Not only did she donate prizes such as movie tickets, a Bowling Depot gift certificate, and Flying Squirrel gift certificates, she donated the biggest prize ever... seasons tickets to the Calgary Stampeders! It was amazing! Mitch won and it was epic! Even I was jealous!
This year was pretty damn good. A few events included a live goldfish, scorpion vodka, a couple of MAGA hats as prizes, an epic penis cup as a prize, electric dog shock collars, and a tortilla chip that had a Scoville unit of 2,200,000! Good times!
There were 24 people that came (including me), and a total of 19 events this season.
- Welcome (Tough Guy shot) - Carol and Mitch; COMPLETED
- Finding Nemo (swallow live goldfish) - Kirsten (Kirsten forfeited and Lee ate it); Kirsten SPANKED x3
- Battle: Tantrum (pedometers on feet) - Kevin and Dave (Dave volunteered as I forgot to add two black chips); Dave won, Kevin lost SPANKED x3
- Chance (PRIZES: Wonder Woman movie tickets x2, Transformers The Last Knight movie tickets x2, Cineplex run of engagement movie tickets x2, Cineplex event tickets x2, and a $50 gift certificate to Bowling Depot) - Kevin
- Butter Guts (Butter soda/cow intestine beerbong) - Vanessa; COMPLETED
- Battle: Two Go in One Comes Out (egg Russian roulette) - Benji and Tony; Tony won, Benji lost
Egg roulette with Ryan Reynolds on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon: youtu.be/cqDG7q508i
- Lick My Pickle (Pickle-Ice pickle popsicles) - everybody; COMPLETED
- What's Mine Is Yours (50/50 from $20 collected from everyone, received $85) - Mark
- Who's Your Daddy (Father's Day card and gifts for my father) - Mark (not filmed)
- Lick It Clean (Twinkie fingers) - Doug and Malissa; COMPLETED
- Free Parking (PRIZES: Oktoberfest tickets x2, one hour Flying Squirrel gift certificates x2, Cineplex run of engagement movie tickets x2, $50 gift certificate to Elbow River Casino, and Transformers The Last Knight movie tickets x2) - Colin
- 1SE (filmed One Second Everyday) - everybody (footage in Bloopers & Highlights reel: vimeo.com/256444314)
- Battle: Mouthpiece (Watch Ya Mouth game) - Doug (picked Darcy as a teammate) vs. Miranda (picked Erin as a teammate); Doug and Darcy won, Miranda and Erin lost SPANKED x3 EACH
- Vince caught cheating by Tony; Vince peeked at the black chip and got caught, so he had to get spanked AND do the event SPANKED x1
- Chugget Nugget (McDonalds chicken nuggets with one of each dipping sauce shake) - Vince; COMPLETED
- See a Tight End (PRIZES: Calgary Stampeders note book and Calgary Stampeders season tickets (coupons for each game and x2 tickets for every game)) - Mitch
- Battle: That Lovin' Feeling (dog shock collars with karaoke to The Righteous Brothers - You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin') - Erin and Vanessa; Lee ended it early
- Don't Fear the Reaper (Paqui Carolina Reaper Madness Chip) - Erin (Erin forfeited, Vanessa volunteered); Erin SPANKED x3, Vanessa COMPLETED
- Battle: Balls Deep (beer pong: pickled pigs lips, Pop Rocks and dried ants, raw egg, pork brains in milk gravy, ranch dressing soda, sweet corn soda, all while wearing a horse head mask) - Mitch (picked Doug as a teammate) vs. Colin (picked Dave as a teammate, Colin forfeited and Dave picked Tony as a teammate); Tony and Dave won, Mitch and Doug lost SPANKED x3 EACH, and Colin SPANKED x3
- Battle: Gladiator Duel (Spam, umeboshi, peanut butter and jelly soda, buffalo hot wings soda, dried bug skewer (grasshoppers and silkworms)) - Chad vs. Tony; Chad won, Tony lost SPANKED x3
In season V, 28 spanks were peppered out. Three more that last season, and the highest spank count to date! Every season it gets higher and higher. To be honest, 28 is pretty high. I don't think I'll ever be able to top that.
Over the last few years, people (including Sean and my brother, Doug), were starting to double up their underwear in hopes it'll soften the blow on the paddling. This led me to make another rule stating that if you're caught wearing any sort of extra padding... you get a paddling. Sounds ridiculous I know. I can't believe I even need to make this rule?!
After the game Natalie and Charlie showed up. Nat was six months pregnant with our daughter Elle, keeping the tradition of a pregnant lady in attendance of every season of the SchneL's Game except my bachelor party.
We we're done a bit early and a few peeps stuck around to chill. We cleaned, had a few drinks, and went home. It was a nice calm evening - a very stark contrast from last season.
If you want to watch a few snippets from this season, I put together a little gag reel. No password required, check it:
SCHNEL'S GAME SEASON VI
SATURDAY JULY 7TH, 2018 — 2:30pm
This years' SchneL's Game lands on July 7th 2018 at 2:30pm. The events I ordered this season are legendary! I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve, a few more prizes, and some pretty crazy stuff planned. If you'd like to attend, shoot me a PM here. After this season, check back here for a complete review.
Here's the sneak peek trailer. It's pretty cool because I used clips from every SchneL's Game previous season. Check it:
THE FUTURE OF SCHNEL'S GAME
I hope to keep doing SchneL's Game for every year until the day I die. I love getting all my friends together, pushing boundaries, getting them to do weird shit, and just having a good time.
My father is in the midst of moving out of his house, so it looks like SchneL's Game season VII will have to find a new locale. I was thinking a press box at a Stampeders game or rent out a community hall. At least then we'd have a bartender. My goal is eventually to get it in The Plaza theatre in Kensington (or some local theatre), and fill that sucker full. We'd play SchneL's Game on the stage and pick people from the audience with a spotlight. I'd love to make it a full freak-show style event. I'd think it'd do well.
A few things I'd like to incorporate into future games are:
- Topless girls with event signs (like boxing marquee round girls), and bottomless guy servers to even out the playing field.
- Maybe somehow get little people involved.
- I've been looking for a super-strong buff girl to wrestle someone in an event.
- I'd also like to have a projector that displayed clips from previous seasons of SchneL's Game as we played.
- Hire a videographer to professionally capture the entire event (I'd edit of course).
- And last but not least... I actually want to do The Man From The South for real. Sounds crazy... yes, but I'd love to come up with cash (or car), and offer someone the chance to actually try it. With release forms signed, it can get reattached. No biggie.
So that's my game. Come play.
See the show. Be the show.